Let's See NBC Cover This

Helllllllllooooo beer fans!

Given the current festivities going on in Peking, I thought it only appropriate to spend a little bit of time analyzing who would come out on top in the Olympics of Beer (or Ale-ympics if you prefer).

To govern this event, I will follow the lead of the real Olympics and have devised a judging system that will be poorly explained, horribly enforced, and completely irrational. Nations will be judged completely subjectively by my sleep-deprived self on a scale of 1 to 10 in the following three categories (1) best original beer style, (2) best individual beer, and (3) contribution to beer culture.

Right off the bat, let’s presume that only a handful of countries actually make it to the Ale-ympics (I like the sound of that more and more each time I say it) while the rest just got the shit kicked out of ‘em in the qualifying competition. Here’s what the field should look like: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Czech Republic, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Mexico, the United Kingdom, and the good ol’ US of A. Even amongst this group, it’s pretty clear that we can narrow it down a little further before we get to the Medal Round.

Let’s see who doesn’t quite make it into the finals:

Australia
Original Style: 1, Individual Beer: 2, Culture: 3
Basically, they gave us the giant beer can and that’s it.

Canada
Original Style: 1, Individual Beer: 2, Culture: 5
America’s Hat really only scores points for inventing (the sadly forgotten) McKenzie Brothers.

Czech Republic
Original Style: 6, Individual Beer: 4, Culture: 5
These guys just barely miss out. Their two problems being (a) I'm not a huge pilsner fan and (b) they may have invented it, but the Germans perfected the pilsner. Sorry guys, think of it this way, you're still doing better than the Slovaks.

France
Original Style: 1, Individual Beer: 5, Culture: 1
See my previous post.

Italy
Original Style: 1, Individual Beer: 1, Culture: 1
Italy’s greatest beer is essentially imported Milwaukee’s Best.

Japan
Original Style: 1, Individual Beer: 2, Culture: 1
If sake were beer, we could have a conversation. Since it’s not … just no.

Mexico
Original Style: 1, Individual Beer: 2, Culture: 3
The Austrians tried to teach them about beer but boy did that backfire.

That’s all for today but tune in tomorrow for BeerHappens continuing coverage of the 2008 Ale-ympics, where the Medal Round should be a real dog fight between the seasoned veteran European teams, but will the young upstarts from the United States have enough to earn a spot on the podium?