Ménage à Traquair

I promised that I would use this post to review a beer that people keep telling me I have to try and I challenged whether it could live up to the hype. The beer in question is Traquair’s House Ale. I’ll admit, I was skeptical. The only other Traquair brew I’ve had is the Jacobite, which, while fantastic, is not exactly an everyday beer, so I was just a little bit worried that the House Ale would be on the extreme end of the extreme beer category and leave me wanting. However, my fears were unwarranted.

Let’s get this straight, I’d been told this beer was good. I’d been told it was very good. My buddy Jason actually uttered the word “best” and followed it with the words “beer ever.” I just finished it. My response: Holy shit!

About 1/3 of the way through the bottle, I couldn’t resist myself any longer. I picked up the phone and called Mark. Here’s how the conversation went:

M – “Hey. How’re you?”
N – “Are you near a liquor store?”
M – “What?”
N – “Are you near a liquor store?”
M – “Umm, there’s one across the street.”
N – “Go there. Now.”

That’s how good this beer is. It’s “Get it now” worthy. It’s sweet but with a finish that’s got just the right amount of bitterness. As soon as I opened the bottle, the sweet smell overwhelmed my senses. At first it looks like a beautiful dark brown color but when the light shines through it you see that it’s actually a deep red. Perfect carbonation level with a nice, not too foamy head and, it’s oh so smooth. Seriously, it’s so smooth, you forget it’s 7.2%. Despite the distinct alcohol smell when I first took a whiff, you don’t taste it. There’s no bite at all. None. Just easy drinking.

After nursing this beer for an hour, here’s the analogy that kept bouncing through my head. It’s crazy and probably says more about me than the beer, but bare with:

This beer should be drunk the way you should have a threeway with Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. Sure, you could lose you mind and be done with it in 5 minutes, it’d still be great, and no one would probably blame you, but how much better would it be to draw it out and savor every last moment of this event that will sure as hell never happen again? Same goes with the beer, it’s got an amazing flavor and it’s so smooth, I could just pound it back quickly but that would be such a waste. It’s just so good you have to make it last.

I love this beer. This beer is like Spinal Tap, it turns it up to 11. I may name my first born son “Traquair.” No that won’t work, Traquair would be better as a girl’s name. I’ll name my first born daughter Traquair. My kids are going to love me.